If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have tasted many bathrooms
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
