hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
ttyl tear gas
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize