making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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