You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
