WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
