peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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