Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
