im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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