we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I believe in your delicious
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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