I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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