24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
