2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
