Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
