I seem to have left my pride at pride
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
