He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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