I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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