im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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