why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
