Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
