I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
