I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
