found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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