Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
