On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
