so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I made him laugh his dick is mine
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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