I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Someone came in the potted fern
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My bed smells like the plague
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
