I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
