I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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