If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
