My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
