Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
