He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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