I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
