who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
