Me. At least after what I've been through.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
