i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
