Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
