Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
