Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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