Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
