Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
