i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
