Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
