I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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