He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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