Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
