I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
