why do cheetos always look like penises
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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