apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
