I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
