nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
