Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
do herpes really smell.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
