i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
