I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
