"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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