You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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