the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
