He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
