I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
