im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize