I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
