i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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