and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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