hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
