Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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