I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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