you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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