apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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