i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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