Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
