note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
