i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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