So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
