Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
